I can go months without days, living a constant night.
Sunrise is some faraway fairy tale,
A childish dream that somehow seems to pass by me without stopping to see
How far it has stretched away from me.
When one end of its elastic band circumference is eternally, wrapped around my body
And the other is pulled so far that it is bound to snap, eventually.
I forget, sometimes, that the sun exists.
I forget that light has arms that reach out to both push and pull,
That both suffocate and embrace.
I forget that the sun has a face,
That is at once full of judgement and of grace,
And of familiar memories and of those I can’t trace.
But the sun is always there.
Even in the months of night, it is there.
And so long as there is breath in your lungs and blood in your veins
That light is yours. That light that is the same
Light, shining on every single person,
And it wants to engulf you in a full-body immersion.
Sometimes, I can break down the half-hearted locks to my moonlit castle.
Then, I see, that there is no need to compromise with the light of distant stars
When I could have a closer sun.
That sun that is for everyone.
There are months of light in amongst the months of dark,
Where the shadow that remains is but a temporary mark.
My sun always rises
At the end of my darkest nights.
And when it appears it bleeds through the fog and cloud,
Quiets the loud flapping of wings inside my chest until there isn’t a sound,
Peels away layers of dark paint until the gaps are found
And the white of the page breaks through in loud, bold, statements.
And its brightness demands to be heard because it was there first and it has a right and it will be there forever in those long, hard months of night.
–Jen (reader in a reverie)
Hello lovely people! Sorry for being pretty inactive recently. Life and work and my temperamental brain have been getting in the way of my free time and motivation. But I have been writing a lot of poetry! This one is about how up and down my mood is, and how one month I can feel amazing, and then the next I can feel eternally stuck in the dark and the fog. It’s got a pretty messy pattern and rhythm, that is completely out of sync with each new verse, but I guess that sort of fits with the messy rhythm of the mind it was written about!! Anyway, I hope you like it! 🙂